Who Should She Believe?
Who should she believe?
Is it the one from her past
who gave her rags not riches
and a loveless hand to grasp?
Should she sew these bits together
until a crazy-patch quilt is formed
or will it turn out substandard
as the giver had often warned?
Who should she believe?
Is it the One who holds her now
the God of loving grace and hope
who loved her anyhow?
Should she offer up her scrap bag
of her failings and her pain
that He may piece together
a work of art bearing His Name?
Who should she believe?
I think the Father does know best
so she should focus on His love
and leave Him with the rest.
Wendy ❀ 2015
After finishing a recent novel manuscript
I realized that one of the antagonists
passed the criteria for being diagnosed as a narcissist.
They make interesting personalities to write about–
but they’re not fun to live with.
If you recognize someone in the traits below,
you may want to do some research of your own,
like I did while working on my piece of fiction.
Writers draw on things they’ve witnessed, experienced, and/or wondered about
to flesh out a story that’s pure fiction laced with truth.
Have you recently read a novel
that made you believe you were visiting a real place?
Here is my paraphrase of just some of the symptoms
someone who is on the narcissism spectrum may exhibit:
1. Inability to show empathy or true love.
2. Always makes the conversation about himself or redirects it back to himself.
3. Doesn’t apologize for being hurtful and turns the table so it looks like you’re oversensitive (or even crazy).
4. Gives used or discarded items, they no longer want, as gifts.
5. Is easily angered by any criticism directed at them.
6. Doesn’t really listen to anything you have to say (they honestly don’t care).
7. Will always try to outshine you by bringing up how they would have done something better.
8. Intense jealousy of other’s accomplishments.
There’s a lot more information on the INTERNET
and some good books on the subject by Dr. Karyl McBride.
She tackles the topic graciously and encourages healing–not bitterness.
We need to admit not one of us
could hit the mark of righteousness
without trust in the blood of Christ
Who washes the repentant purest white.
Wendy ❀ 2015
From what I understand, the very traits that make up a narcissistic personality
are the very same stumbling blocks that prevent them from seeing their need for
My advice would be to keep a wide berth of these individuals
and pray for a miracle–cause that’s what it would take for them to ever see the
Have you ever been made aware
of a physical or mental health condition
through a novel?
Father knows best blessings ~ Wendy ❀
And to end on a lighter note
here’s a vlog I made about my writing room,
and a little bit more.
(Warning: I was in mystery-writer mode when I made this…so it’s a bit creepy.)
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-5
59 thoughts on “Who Should She Believe? (Healing from Narcissism)”
Very thought-provoking. I never stumbled on anything like that through a novel, but in research for my children’s diagnoses of autism, it was amazing how we kept finding more and more explanations for other dear folks on our family tree! To see that maybe they weren’t just odd ducks, that it may’ve been how they process was interesting. At any rate, whoever we are and whatever we deal with in this life, you are so right on about Who we should believe. Thank you!
Marisa, I understand what you mean by “finding more and more explanations” for why people behave the way they do. It helps us not take things personally when we realize they process life differently than we do. I’m thankful for people who tell their story so that we won’t be alone with ours. Knowledge blended with grace is powerful. ❀
What an excellent idea, Wendy, to use this character to raise consciousness about narcissism. Unfortunately, my consciousness is much too aware, having lived with it for 20 painful years. This person was so intelligent and gifted that she wrapped counselors around her finger. Scott Peck’s book People of the Lie comes to mind. He believes that some people have done so many individual evil deeds that they have become evil and if we are not equipped to deal with that we must stay away from them. The person I lived with was so wounded that she had an aura of evil around her.
Thank you for this. Also, yet again, your photos are exquisite.
Rita, thank you for telling me about the book by Scott Peck–I’ll be looking for it at our library.
Some narcissists are definitely on the “evil” or extreme end of the spectrum. I’ve met both mild and severe cases. We all have a normal/average dose of it–but some people are just plain scary. The word lie seems very appropriate. Yes, they live in a bubble of falsehood and will lash out at anyone who dares to pop it. ❀ Hugs, dear friend.
Scott Peck wrote a book entitled, “People of the Lie,” and in it he goes to great lengths in describing narcissism. Brilliant! Great post Wendy. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
Thank you, Don. You’re the second person to mention that book–now I definitely need to read it. ❀
Wendy, I love the vlog! It’s always wonderful to hear someone’s voice too. I know a narcissist, and I do keep a wide berth – great advice! <3
Thank you, Diana. <3 My kids hated my vlog because I'm talking slower (and creepier) than I normally do. I had no idea what I was going to talk about, and I just made it up as I went along. But I really want to learn–doing is the best teacher. ❀
And talking slower is what you should be doing Wendy. Many who do public speaking talk too quickly and don’t pause for affect. You did both and it didn’t sound creepy at all!
Diana, I was one of those students who appreciated teachers who spoke slow enough for me to absorb and reflect upon their words. Less is more for me. Thank you. ❀
Congratulations on finishing your book, Wendy. That’s great!! I wish you every success with what sounds like a very interesting project!
Thank you, dear Ellen. I’m learning and having fun at the same time. ❀
A terrific poem and an interesting post overall, Wendy.
The narcissist sounds a bit like a sociopath, methinks.
I got no audio on the video. I’ll try again later, in case it’s temporary – I see that others got through.
Cynthia, I’ve never done research about sociopaths before, but your comment inspired me to look it up, and I found out that many of their characteristics overlap. The main difference seems to be that the narcissist uses others to prop up their own fragile ego; whereas the sociopath uses others for entertainment since they have a grandiose ego already. Ouch–not a pleasant read, but definitely interesting. ❀ We writers are a curious lot–aren’t we?
We are, Wendy.
Dear Wendy, having children opened my eyes to how my parents felt and why they acted the way they did. I was blessed with good, loving parents, but often didn’t understand the reasons behind some of their actions. I only wish that I could tell them now. Sadly, knowledge often comes to us too late. Congratulations on completing your book. I have been struggling with finishing my story, but I think I’m finally breaking through the road block. Blessings, Mollie
Mollie, parenting can be both rewarding and challenging. I made a point of thanking my dad for things he did such as reading to me and playing badminton etc. And I’m so glad that I did, as he died suddenly at age 62.
We only rob ourselves when we don’t focus on the best. Sadly, some children need to focus on the kindness of a neighbor or a teacher to help them survive a traumatic childhood. We live in a fallen world. ❀ Blessings as you finish your book. You can do it.
Beautiful poem and photo’s.Well done Wendy
Thank you, Marylou. ❀
Wendy lovely to see you animated, you are gorgeous. Congratulations on finishing your novel, so exciting. I think it is sad when I meet people who are involved with these kinds of people. They are so destructive and I pray for people I know living in these relationships because they find it hard to leave. Believing they are the ones at fault and thats exactly where the person wants them. Such a sad situation.
Thank you, Kath. ❀ It’s sad to see people living in such painful relationships. And when one is raised by a narcissist there is a tendency to marry one too. But if people share their stories it can be a lifeline for others to pull themselves out of their own stormy sea–even if they have someone else write it for them.
I agree when you are brought up in a loving home you seek the same I think and I find it hard to understand why they stay because I have never experienced it.
I loved the poem. I must confess that over the past several years I haven’t read a lot of fiction. Prior to that, most of my reading was from either children’s books or young adult books as I homeschooled the kids.
Although they weren’t recent, the descriptions of the settings were so vivid, and the characters were developed so fully that they seemed real, and have stayed with me.These were books written by Laura Ingalls Wilder, Lucy Maude Montgomery, and C.S. Lewis. There was another book that wasn’t a children’s book, and it really touched me, too. It was “Fanny McBride” by Catherine Cookson. I also enjoyed the “Mitford” series by Jan Karon.
Thank you for sharing this thoughtful post.
Theresa, so many people have loved the Mitford Series by Jan Karon. She recently had a new book published: Somewhere Safe with Somebody Good. And I noticed she has a contest on her Facebook right now. It’s only for USA readers.
Easter Blessings to you and your husband. ❀ You’ve brought back sweet memories of reading to my children.
I wish you great success with your book and I loved the Vlog! Love, N 🙂 <3
Thank you, Natalie. <3 I'm enjoying escaping to my cave to write whenever I can. I'm loving the beauty you post on your blog. It's like a visit to a garden. ❀
You and your writing room work perfectly together. Love the art work on the ceiling above you, and your mischievous look as you dispatched an ‘evil’ character.
Thank you for noting my “mischievous look.” 😉 One of the things I love about writing fiction is that I can make sure justice prevails in my story where it may not have in real life. ❀
You tickle me! I love your vlog. You do … you just make me smile and giggle. And shake my head, in pride over you. And I love this … “Should she offer up her scrap bag of her failings and her pain that He may piece together a work of art bearing His Name?” That’s beautiful. My scrap bag. Oh, have mercy. Becoming a work of art bearing His Name. Lovely. 🙂
Shelli, you’ve just blessed me hugely. <3 I enjoy making people smile or laugh. My MS addresses some dark topics; but I've sprinkled in humor because life is too short not to. And besides, I'm a crazy patch kinda gal. ❀ I love what God can do with the bits and pieces of our lives.
Wendy, I smile and laugh probably too much. But it’s just who I am. After a surgery, I realized I needed to laugh more. 🙂 And I love humor sprinkled in … my MS is serious, too, but yet, I sprinkle in the humor, too. You just have to. Oh, when I read Five Days in Skye … romance … it made me want to visit Scotland. Much humor there, too. I just read Love’s Reckoning … slayed me, Wendy. It was beautiful, but so much bad happened … yet good, too … and a bit of humor … but I’ve never had a book slay my heart, my emotions like that one. I’m still recovering. 🙂 And the MC was Scottish. Scotland seems to be in everything I see these days, ye ken. Aye, Wendy!! 🙂
Shelli, I don’t believe one can laugh too much, though I’ve definitely ill-timed my chuckles on occasion (being punished by having to wipe off blackboards comes to mind). A wee bit of humor is like a pinch of salt in a pot of porridge–it brings out the best flavor.
I want to visit all of the United Kingdom–so green, so old, intriguing and romantic. My husband hopes to take me there one day and show me where he has already visited and more. Now I’m going to look up Love’s Reckoning. Thank you sweet friend. ❀
Oh, I saw you read Appalachian Serenade! You’ll love Miracle in a Dry Season. It’s even better, if you haven’t read it yet. The country talk is so cute … at least the way I hear it in my mind. 🙂 Oh yes, Love’s Reckoning … you’ll want to throw it down at one point, but hang in there. Slaying … best word I can think of. 🙂 It’s truly the best novel I’ve read. In spite of all the heartbreak. And I want to visit UK, too! So much so. I want to tour Ireland, Scotland, England, Germany. One day!
I don’t think I’ve ever had a narcissist in my office. I have, however, tried to help their spouses/children/other family members. Not an easy task, indeed.
Linda, that doesn’t surprise me at all. But I do know that anything is possible with God–but I’d say it would take a miracle for a narcissist to show up and admit they needed help. ❀
Are you editing and re-writing and pulling out your hair yet?? What are your publishing plans? It’s a great accomplishment, to write a novel. May your work be blessed, Wendy!!
Thank you, Melody. ❀ My plans are to keep writing, learning, and entering the doors God opens for me. And I’m definitely doing a lot of editing.
Congratulations on finishing the novel, Wendy! That’s amazing! And I love the new look of your blog–probably not new to you anymore, but it’s been awhile since I’ve visited and I love the layout. Crisp and clean. I wish you and your family a peaceful and beautiful Easter.
Thank you, Kim, for mentioning the layout change. I really appreciate your comment. Easter blessings to you & your husband. I hope winter was gentler in your part of Canada than it was last year. ❀
This post really hits home. I grew up under this type of personality disorder and sometimes I even hear it out of my mouth. That’s when it’s the worst. I loathe hearing it but my therapist told me that’s the healthy part of me because a narcissist never hears themselves that way. They are clueless!
Laura, those are wise words. I think your therapist is spot on. You strike me as anything but a narcissist. Hugs. The author/doctor I mentioned in the post was raised by a narcissist, and she goes over the whole topic thoroughly and compassionately. I suspect that she’s helped more people than she’ll ever know. I think she’s a heroine. ❀
My therapist is such a wise man Wendy. I’ve sought therapy on and off all my life but when I found him, I found a gem! He puts things so succinctly. He was also raised by a narcissist. I think only those raised around those personality disorders could ever hope to truly understand. Thank you for sharing the author.
How wonderful that he’s allowing what he went through to be used for good. I agree that only those who have been there can “truly understand.” People want and need to know they’re not alone. ❀
Wendy, thanks for sharing your lovely face – and your voice! – with us. It felt like an Easter gift, and your book sounds intriguing. I am up to my eyeballs with my two grandchildren visiting for the week, so I’m late commenting on a number of blogs. C’est la vie! <3
I’m here laughing now because Josh (my grandson) was feeling my neck while I typed, and said my skin was so nice and soft and smooth and crumply. Kids have a way with words too, don’t they? lol
Jennifer, you just never know what kids will say next. ❀ I’d say you got off pretty good. Sounds like you’ve passed down the writer genes. 😉
<3 Enjoy your sweet grandkids, dear Jennifer. ❀ Sounds like fun (and a great photo opportunity too. 😉
A few pictures could very well be the only thing I’ll have time to share this week. 😅
Wendy, what a delight it was to meet you face to face in the dvd you made for us. I’m so pleased you have finished another novel and hope to be able to read them all one day. Enjoy a happy and grace filled Easter with those you love.
Thank you, Mary. My family enjoyed a turkey dinner together last night. Soon our weather will be too warm for cooking big feasts. I look forward to seeing what you’ve posted this week. It’s always a treat to visit your lovely blog. ❀ Blessings to you and yours.
I LOVED your vlog (new term for me)!!! It’s amazing how much of your personality comes through–personality that I feel that I’ve already seen through your writing, but shows up differently on a video!
I LOVE what you said about the writer’s privilege to direct the characters. In “Angel of Light” I really struggled with the main character: Carrie Spangler, now Carrie Jenson. I knew what I had to do, but it was difficult to write! And, the unusual twist was that she went from being the protagonist in “A Moment in Time” to the antagonist in “Angel of Light!” How did that happen?
I have to say that it made me think about God, the Creator: creating a life and watching that creation destroy itself! It broke my heart! Are you sharing any bits from your novel?
Thank you, Wanda, for taking the time to watch the vlog. I’m trying to let go of perfectionism and just “do it.” I posted another one on my page called, Wendy’s Writing Room. After I made it I noticed two huge mistakes–but I figured it just made it more authentic (humble pie a la mode).
I’m in the process of querying my first completed manuscript–so I don’t want to share any of it without the advice of a literary agent.
I like what you said about how God must feel to watch “creation destroy itself.” I wonder how He can bear such sorrow. But I do know that He is love, and I can trust him completely as I pray for those I know and love. I admire how you’ve gone ahead and walked into the publishing journey on your own. That may be the road I eventually take–but for now I’m knocking on a few doors and learning as much as I can. ❀
I have a small card, it’s a really old one from my dad. He is long gone, but your lines reminded me of the words which were on this card: you should know that love never ends.
Inese, I can imagine that you treasure that card. Yes, “love never ends.” Nothing my kids could say or do would make me love them any more or less than I already do. ❀
Hi Wendy, your poetry is so lovely as is your photography. I thoroughly enjoyed your “not-so-creepy vlog”. Ah, and narcists, I could write a book about one I know. That’s all I can say. Whaa haa haa. So I’ll leave the healing up to our Father who does know best. Hope your Easter was blessed. 🙂
Thank you for making me smile, Tracy. My Easter was blessed and I hope yours was too. I always enjoy seeing your cheerful art on your blog or on Facebook. ❀
I came to read your thoughts on narcissism and was surprised to find you in your writing room! Thanks for sharing everything, Wendy 😀
Thank you for stopping by, Angie. My writing room is such a blessing to me, and so are visits from blogging friends. ❀