Love and Respect

White reminds me of weddings.  The Japanese Anemone’s white apparel is as luxurious, I’m sure, as King Saul’s daughter’s wedding gown would have been when she married David.”Now Saul’s daughter Michal was in love with David…” 1 Samuel 18:20

Do you think that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?  I would say that being able to cook reasonably well certainly wouldn’t hurt…But I think that it is neither love nor food that captures and keeps a man enraptured with one woman.  Stay with me here, as I present my case.

First of all, I think that Michal was in “love” with the “fine appearance and handsome features” that David is described as having.  She may even have admired his brave heart that caused the women to sing: “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.”

I don’t think that she really knew David before she, so-called, fell in love with him.  I think that she loved an image.  She respected what he had accomplished.

What do you think is the path to the heart of a woman?  I believe it is unconditional love.  Love that is not dependent upon her looks, her moods or her cooking.  Real love does not fade away.  Real love is a choice, a commitment and a decision.

David loved God.  I don’t know how much he loved Michal.  But he sure loved the Lord! A godly wife deeply admires a godly husband.  Forget the oysters! But, sadly, Michal does not appear to have been a godly wife…

“As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window.  And when she saw David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart.”  2 Samuel 6:16

When Michal and David were face to face, after this, she treated him with contempt.  She complained of his so-called “undistinguished” behavior. He rebuked her with angry – but true words.

“And Michal daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death.”2 Samuel 6:23  I don’t think it was infertility that she suffered with…

I believe that her lack of unconditional respect for her husband caught up with her.  If a man has basic goodwill; I don’t think he’d leave a wife who practices unconditional respect: Nor do I think a woman with basic goodwill would leave a man who practices unconditional love.  By goodwill, I mean a relationship that is not abusive.  Abuse or addictions must be addressed!  Separation may be necessary if safety is a concern… or if the delinquent spouse refuses to face the issues.

In a man’s heart he desires to be appreciated, admired and accepted. This need is as valid as a woman’s need for unconditional love.  It is not optional if you want a marriage that thrives and not just survives.

Why did David later marry Abigail?  She had been married already and was widowed.  As we know, David had his pick of women. ( I am not impressed with this side of David – to put it politely…)

Abigail treated David with great respect and saved lives doing so  (see 1 Samuel 25).  She even treated her foolish husband with respect.  Notice she did so even though he was undeserving of it. She was no doormat either!  This woman was wise and she acted swiftly to divert a disaster.

So what is the way to a man’s heart?  Respect. Say that louder. RESPECT!  Do I hear an amen?  If you beg to differ – I am all ears.  I am ready to defend my position.  After 29 years of marriage, I can say that the best marriage book, besides the Bible, that I have read is: “Love & Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Check  him out. Google him.  Don’t just survive: Thrive!

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  Ephesians 5:33

Respectfully ~ Wendy

16 thoughts on “Love and Respect

  1. Great post, Wendy–I’m all for “thriving” rather than just “surviving” (married, or single). And I’m just floored by these fabulous photos! I never paid much attention to photography (I know, such a deprived life!) until I met Cee at her photo blog. So, I’ve gained new appreciation–and get “wowed” at her place, and now yours!! God bless you Big–have a great weekend–love, sis Caddo

  2. Yes, you do “hear an Amen”! 🙂 Great post and well supported. Our wedding invitations were printed with the Scripture: “A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” That was 23 years ago, so….
    I do believe that men are wired to respond to respect and women to Godly love. Thanks for sowing the ‘secret’ that all the greatest marriages share. Shalom in the home! ~Beth

    1. Thanks for your “Amen.” I would love to see the book I mentioned in every home. There is an art to practicing respect. Once I finally ‘got it’ I was hooked. I don’t feel less for doing it – I feel like a queen in my home now. I just love & respect my husband more than ever! We are having our needs met as God intended it to be.
      Blessings ~ Wendy

    1. Thanks, Dee. I was a little nervous about this post because not everyone understands this Biblical directive… but it truly blesses couples when followed in a good-willed marriage.

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