Unless you’ve personally experienced infertility, it’s often wise to zip your lips when you’re with someone who is travelling this lonely road. A hug is much more welcome than glib words that have the potential to hurt an already vulnerable heart.
I wish I could have found an appropriate book to read on this topic when I was in the middle of my painful infertility journey. This is one of the reasons I want to have my memoir published.
It won’t be glib; it’ll be honest.
It won’t make you feel sorry for me; it will help you understand what many couples go through. And it will make you cry at the happy ending.
Today, I’m sharing a bit about my own infertility journey as a guest on Nan Jones’ blog. She’s an inspirational speaker, writer, and blogger I met on Facebook. I’ve read and reviewed her wonderful, award-winning memoir and have been following her ever since. She has a gift for encouraging women who are experiencing hurts and hardships. You’ll love her award-winning blog too.
By the way, her memoir is as poignant as they come. It’s a must read if you want to be motivated to pray for your pastor and his family. Church leaders need the body of Christ to surround them with protective prayers.
Unless you’ve already been here
Please don’t share advice
Because my heart is broken
And I didn’t choose this way of life
Unless you’ve already been here
Please don’t minimize
The pain I feel is real
And so are the tears I’ve cried
Unless you’ve already been here
In the land of grief and despair
Wrap your praying arms around me
And let your love show me you care.
Rejoice with those who rejoice;
mourn with those who mourn.
Romans 12:15 NIV
Blessings of Compassion ~ Wendy
Here’s the link to my interview on Nan’s website: Where is God When Infertility Wants to Defeat You?
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47 thoughts on “Infertility Isn’t for the Faint of Heart”
Beautiful as always 🙂
Thank you, dear Morgan. Blessings on your weekend. <3
This is a topic that touches many, many families. One book I found helpful years ago was. “Childless is not Less” by Vicky Love. It is out of print, but can be found used on Amazon.
Thank you, Karen. I found a secular book I liked. I don’t remember the title, but I appreciated it because the author was authentic and wrote the truth of how she felt. She made me feel less alone–less crazy. Sometimes inspirational writers forget to include enough of the dark moments and they skip ahead to preaching. Mourning souls need solace–not sermons. I hope to be a solace and inspiration to those who feel alone. <3 Acknowledging someone's pain softens their heart and opens their ears to hear hope. God is hope. I'll look up the book you mentioned–I'm curious how she handled the topic–with a name like "Love." 🙂
All of that seems so long ago to me and yet it comes back fresh to the surface in an instant. All the well meaning people who said things that made it worse. To weep with those who weep is really a much needed gift. I look forward to seeing your memoir.
My craving and need to have co-weepers helped me come alongside side friends who mourned for other reasons. This was one unexpected gift of grace I received during the sorrow. Thank you, dear Karen. <3
I read Childless is Not Less also, but the greatest comfort came from my own time with the Lord. It is a pain no one understands unless they have been there.
Norma, I’m with you in that: “It is a pain no one understands unless they have been there.” Even the Bible acknowledges the depth of this pain in several passages. Yes, God is the greatest Comforter. xo
Oh my sweet sweet sister I understand. Im reminded of Hanna and Sarah and my sister who for ten years cried for a child and finally God heard and answered. It is a difficult road to walk. I pray for Gods grace to overshadow you and keep you through every step. I love you and I’m praying with you.
Thank you, dear Marla. I hope my story eases others pain and encourages them to trust God with whatever heartache they’re walking through. He is the greatest Comforter. <3
Wendy, I went through this with my first husband. After many months of trying to have a baby we were both tested. We found out we were never going to have children. I remember the devastation, the loss, the sadness, the tears. Unfortunately, our marriage wasn’t strong enough to get through it. However, we both married others. He raised a step-daughter, and I was able to have two children. So it was a different kind of “happy ending.” But I will never forget that pain or the insensitive things people used to say to me. I’m going to read your story now. Good luck on getting your memoir published! 🙂
Thank you for sharing a bit of your story with me, dear Patsy. Your mention of “the insensitive things people used to say…” makes me hope this post and my memoir educate others to be sensitive to the pain of infertility. I hope I never forget the struggle; I hope I remember to show empathy and grace towards those who are suffering in other ways too. <3
You are welcome sweet Wendy! I think when you have suffered through it you do become more sensitive to the struggles of others. I already sense a lot of grace and empathy in you! Are you still writing your memoir or in the process of publishing it?
I’ve completed the first draft and some editing. Now, the hard work of rewriting, revising, and editing has begun.
Oh my. I have been working on mine here and there for years. I am thinking about breaking it up into shorter ones dealing with different issues I have faced. So yes you are at the harder stage!
Finding a common thread or theme throughout a period of your life seems to be one of the guidelines. Writing deep rather than writing wide seems to be the secret. A memoir is a slice of a life and not an autobiography. It sounds like you’re wise to break it up. I already thought of three more memoirs I want to write. It would be way too much for me to write all my themes in one book. There’s a lot of online resources regarding how to write memoir. I’ve appreciated them–plus the books I’ve read and reviewed on Goodreads. Keep writing/rewriting.
You are so right, Wendy! I like the whole first part of what you said up to “autobiography.” In fact I read your whole message to my husband. He is doing a presentation on writing memoir to his Writer’s Forum group in September. He wanted to know if he could use that first part of what you said, quoting you, and possibly sharing a link to your blog. I love the way you said “memoir is a slice of life.” He loved when you said “Writing deep rather than wide seems to be the secret.” If you don’t want him to share this, that’s okay, too, of course! I appreciate your help. You’ve given me some things to think about! 🙂 You keep up your writing/rewriting as well!
I’d be honored to be quoted. Feel free to share any links with me that you’ve found helpful on the craft of memoir. I’ve heard it’s one of the hardest things to write. 💕🕊️🌸
Thank you from me and my husband. I will pass that request on to him, Wendy! Have a great day! 🙂
Beautifully said, Wendy. Infertility ranks right up there with miscarriage, in my opinion. Very painful.
If you were here in person, dear Linda, I would hug you. Yes, yes, and yes, those are two painful biggies–for sure. Anything to do with losing children is dreadfully difficult. Only God can comfort a grieving parent to the core of their hurting heart. <3
Love this Wendy!
Thank you, Gene. Blessings on your family, dear friend.
A very moving, inspiring and insightful post, Wendy.
Thank you, dear Cynthia. <3
Thank you for this blog post. It’s so important for women to know they’re not alone while navigating through a season of infertility. Your wisdom shines through this post.
Thank you for your kind words, Alyssa. My season of infertility was one of the most challenging times I walked–sometimes crawled–through. Blessings. <3
Thanks for this beautiful read love it
Thank you for stopping by, dear Lashay. Blessings. <3
Thank you for sharing. I know that it’s challenging. My husband and I tried for six years before we could conceive. We had gone through infertility treatments, cut out coffee, bought cookbooks for infertility…you name it. In the end, we ended up getting pregnant naturally. I recently started a blog to give back to others and to offer hope now that I can. I hope you get a chance to read it. God bless.
Jenny, your story sounds familiar. We also conceived naturally after a dozen years of infertility. Nice to meet you.
That’s amazing! I can’t even imagine. I’m so happy for you! Nice to meet you too.
The nurses on the maternity ward raised their eyebrows when I was around because they’d never seen such a happy mother. Little did they know how long I had hoped to hold my own baby. 🙂
Awww, how old is your child now? I bet they were all very happy for you. It seems like it’s so easy for everyone to get pregnant and I’m sure they were happy to be apart of your miraculous story. I know our nurses were happy too delivering our miracle baby. I feel like I’m still holding my breathe sometimes like I will wake up and it all be a dream. I’m almost thankful for the struggle because I feel like I’ll never take her for granted.
My children are 22, 19, and 17. As you can see, I had a busy season of birthing three babies in a 5 year period. You’re right, you most likely won’t take her for granted. Life gets crazy at times–but I’m crazy in love with the Lord, my husband, and my kids. <3
That’s so great to hear. We’ve been discussing whether or not to have a second child. I’m worried about going through the same thing again, but your story gives me hope. Thank you 🙂
Secondary infertility can be almost or as painful. The secret to peace is finding it in Christ first. Life’s hardness presses us into the softness of His hands. I pray you have His peace no matter what you decide to do. <3
Very well said. Definitely! I hope it doesn’t happen now that my body knows what to do, but we are just taking things one step at a time and we’ll see where God leads us.
<3 He leads and He loves perfectly.
Those hugs are much more welcome than words. If I hear another person say “it will happen when it’s supposed to happen” I might just scream. My heart doesn’t need words, it’s needs a hug. Thank you for your posts ❤️
I hear you. And I remember hearing those words carelessly spoken to me as well. Hugs rule. <3
I love the poem. This can be such a lonely road. And sometimes a very bitter one. I want so much to feel joy for others but it is hard when you are experiencing infertility with no end in sight. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you, dear Brittany. I remember well the struggle to rejoice with others while grieving another month gone by without a pregnancy. Looking back, I wish I could have been part of an infertility support group where it was safe to cry and be real with those around me. I needed empathy–not a sermon. A hug is worth a million words. Blessings of peace & hugs, dear friend.
Thank YOU for sharing YOUR story! Since miscarriage/infertility are so taboo, I have decided to break my own silence. Having gone through 5 miscarriages and years of infertility myself. Newly established blogger and YouTube vlogger, I am inviting you to follow me to help us spread our stories to other hurting women and families. Would you consider following me?
It’s not an easy topic to write or talk about because it opens up the potential for more pain. Thankfully most people are good-willed and show empathy rather than give unsolicited advice.
Nice to meet you, dear Karen.
Blessings ~ Wendy