Because I’ve learned to tap into tears, I made note of a portion of Scripture when tears appeared while I read it. To say God is my Portion is the biggest understatement I could state. For He rescued me from the deep and delivered me from eating disorders, disordered thinking, and self-destructive living. He set His Spirit in me so I could defeat the darkness that tried to swallow me with despair.
Part of my despair stemmed from the belief I was unworthy of love. I believed I was broken beyond repair. I believed I was emotionally abandoned because I wasn’t good enough to bother with.
I needed someone to love me unconditionally. Without shaming. Without strings. Without condemnation.
I needed real love instead of the narcissism I was exposed to.
The way God grabbed my attention was the same way He won it in the verses I alluded to.
Here’s what Psalm 18:16-19 says:
He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
His delight in me reached down and rescued me. Love isn’t just a word—it’s a verb. And because God is love, He healed me and loved on me in a way that won my allegiance, faith, and trust.
Relationship—not rules—rule. I want to follow God’s rules because I have a loving relationship with Him. Not because I’m afraid He’ll abandon me. He places His Spirit in us so we’re guided, motivated, and provided by His Power to do His will.
duck on the water
alone and vulnerable
we are watched over
by He who delights in us
with His everlasting love
~ wlm
Are you able to recognize a narcissist? Sometimes they’re found in sheep’s clothing.
Here’s a checklist of eight traits of narcissists I paraphrased during my research:
1. Inability to show empathy or true love.
2. Always makes the conversation about himself or redirects it back to himself.
3. Doesn’t apologize for being hurtful and turns the table so it looks like you’re oversensitive (or even crazy).
4. Gives used or discarded items, they no longer want, as gifts.
5. Is easily angered by any criticism directed at them.
6. Doesn’t really listen to anything you have to say (they honestly don’t care).
7. Will always try to outshine you by bringing up how they would have done something better.
8. Intense jealousy of other’s accomplishments.
This wasn’t an easy post to write and share. Part of me wanted to delete it. But maybe someone needs to see the way someone is mistreating them isn’t about them at all. I’m grateful for the courageous people who wrote about their experiences.
Their words helped me understand, heal, and forgive.
One day I’ll share my story if the Lord gives me the go ahead.
True Love Blessings ~ Wendy Mac
Very moving story. Thanks for posting it. It was really interesting to read about narcisissts. My mother was a narcisisst and I suffered a lot from her cold behavior.
Regards Mitza
Hugs, dear Mitza. While working on a novel with a character whose mother was a narcissist, I came across an excellent site. Have you heard of this author? Her mother was a narcissist. https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/the-author/
Thank you for your kind words and the hint. I didn’t know the author yet but will try to inform myself about her. Have a nice day, kind regards Mitza
Narcissism is so ugly. Have you ever seen a narcissist who was very “giving” and “serving?” I have, and it looks really cool from a distance, but up close, it is the ugliest of all, because ALL of that giving and serving that looks so noble has nasty undercurrents and ulterior motives.
Thank you for posting Wendy. It is a good reminder to be on the lookout for narcissism that is trying to intrude into our lives, and for narcissistic tendencies that may be growing within my own soul.
Damon, a true narcissist wouldn’t even consider that they were one. They dismiss and deflect all criticism. They flip everything around and try to make the other person look crazy. They are charismatic and charming in public. At home they are monsters.
It’s a spectrum disorder. Some are more subtle and clever than others. It’s so sad when children are raised by one. So sad.
It’s not a pleasant topic. But it’s a necessary one in a culture that seems to breed this problem.
“Nasty undercurrents and ulterior motives” are classic characteristic of narcissists. Satan is a model one–for sure.
I appreciate your comment, dear friend, in this lonely place of tackling difficult topics. There’s enough sugar-coated stuff out there already. Our spirits decay without truth.
I am married to a narcissist. I have been with him for nineteen years. I want to take me and my four kids to a shelter, but my fifteen and seventeen year olds want to stay with their father. I can’t leave them. They know that their father is not as nice as he pretends to be, but they are suffering from serious cognitive dissonance right now. Narcissists are so manipulative and snake like. They are predators. My two boys would be as good as gone if I were to leave them with my husband. I desperately need to get us away from him, because his hatred for me is growing and his presence is poisoning the atmosphere around him. He no longer pretends to love me, except for when he tells the kids that he does, which is completely irrational, especially after he has just finished tearing into me with his sharp, damaging, soul crushing words. I no longer let his words hurt me like they did before I figured out what he is. Now I am more concerned about what it is doing to the kids. I feel like an utter failure at being a mother. So much has happened during these twenty years of marriage to this evil person. I hesitate to even call him a person. Presently, he is into making a mess of the house after I clean up. He won’t make the mess all at once. He does it slowly, like dropping crumbs on the floor, or spreading hair around the bathroom floor. He has become depraved in his actions towards me, and all in such a secretive way. I just wanted to say something about what life is like with a bonafied malignant narcissist.
Dear Kim, you sound like a loving mother caught in a difficult place. It’s especially frustrating when the narcissist tries to turn other family members against the innocent. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Author and Doctor, Karyl McBride, wrote two books on this topic. Here’s a link to her site: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/
Let me know what you think of Karyl’s articles.
Blessings ~ Wendy
Oh Dear Wendy, thank you for stepping out in brave obedience to share more of what God has walked you through. I have had to work through some of those same kinds of hurts, and it was so difficult to allow the Lord to peel back those layers. But truly, HIS boundaries fall for us in safe and pleasant places. He wants to heal us of all these wounds, and carry us through the painful path. I am leaning more to lean into His heart of beauty and rest. Blessings and love to you!
If I was a drinker, writing about this would drive me to drink. Instead this topic drives me–to my knees–to my Rock. Lean, learn, love.
Thank you, dear Bettie. We’re blessed to know His rest. <3
Dear Wendy, you may not know how very much you help us all with your posts, but one day, God will show you. Thank you thank you. And Psalm 18 . . .wow, did that speak to me too, today. Blessings and love and hope!
Thank you, dear Deb. <3 Yes, Psalm 18 is an eternal bear hug from our Heavenly Father.
It’s so sad how much damage is done by narcissists. Although this post was hard for you, there will be people reading who will be so grateful for your story.
I’m grateful for the helpful books I’ve read. It’s a relief to uncover what I did. It gave me understanding, compassion, and forgiveness for myself and for the perpetrator. Healing–not bitterness–is a happy ending. <3
Indeed it is the best way; to leave the bitterness aside.
Indeed. Betterment is best.
Hi Wendy, thanks for this very touching post. I recognise those traits in a few. I am so sorry that you had to suffer what you did, but I am rejoicing with you that you found the Lord to be your strength in the dark times. I love your pictures too!
Thank you, dear Sharon. Nice to meet you. I’ve met people who had it much worse than I did. I’m grateful I uncovered the reason behind the madness I witnessed. It freed me in so many ways–including understanding what I needed to forgive. 🙂 Forgiveness frees the one who forgives.
That is so very true. I am glad you have discovered that and I know that God will be using you to help many others get free from the unforgiveness festering away in their hearts. You have a great blog and I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Wendy …it is a comfort to know and to hear other Christians talk about their faith and write and to find someone else who has dealt with narcissists. I do know. I had to go no contact with my relatives and people who are in the church in general aren’t really treating one another as family in Christ. I am rather exhausted at this juncture of my life having worked 10 yrs. 6 in film school and no breakthrough or entrance for what I had hoped art wise after seeking to collaborate for the past 5 yrs. Thank you for your encouraging articles and hope you get to enjoy bloodlines of blessing here on wordpress as I develop and enjoy writing it.
Nice to meet you. Yes, “no contact” is sometimes the saving way to go. I also find that keeping conversations on shallow topics such as the weather is a lifesaver too. Blessings as you continue to write.