~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Heart Beneath a Smile
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What has gone on
in your life
that you would
swear so profanely
at a woman
a mother
a wife?
Where was your father
when manners
were taught?
Did he teach you
to respect
women
or not?
What’s in your heart
that causes such
bile?
How do you switch
so quickly to
hate from
a smile?
Why do you ask
for money
when it’s a new
heart you need,
not food for
your tummy?
Why not choose love
instead of abuse?
If I told you
that God
loves you
would you
still refuse?
Should I judge
you too harshly,
though your mouth
is vile?
No!
I must guard
my own heart
hidden beneath
my own
smile.
Wendy/2012
Here is a poem that I wrote a while ago along a similar line.
http://wendylmacdonald.com/2012/08/13/the-bench-warmer/
This poem was written 3 minutes after the incident described below. I wrote it while I waited for my daughter who was in her piano lesson…
I have never had anyone spew such hateful and vile words at me, as a man did, recently, while I was waiting at a red light. He was standing on a median and wanted me to roll down my window. The sign he was carrying said he needed money. I shook my head no while trying not to look disrespectful or afraid. As soon as I said no, his fury let loose on me.
I locked my door and stared straight ahead. Then he walked away to approach someone else. Before the light could turn green – he came back and yelled the same profanities again, right up against my window. My 12-year-old daughter, beside me, was sick with fright. I don’t have a cell phone (yet).
When I got home after piano lesson, I called the police to report the incident so that they could keep an eye out for the grumpy beggar and his dog. They asked me what time it happened at. It turns out that someone had called on their cell phone at that same time to report him, but he was gone before the police got there. We were not his only victims…
I did not call the police out of hate or retaliation. I called out of love for other women who may get abused by this person. I called because I am not a victim. I am a woman. I am a child of the King. I am praying for that man to get into recovery or whatever he needs – so that he can act like a child of the King, too!
I can’t hand out money when I used my overdraft to pay a dentist bill the day before. My oldest son needs new runners and my younger one needs jeans as he has sprouted again. I am not greedy. I am a mom that wears hand me downs and drives an old van (that I love). But I am still a daughter of the King and my heart overflows with thankfulness for what I do have… Meantime, I am able to give that man the gift of my prayers and forgiveness. ( Forgiving others is a gift to oneself, too!)
Here is the very Bible verse the kids and I were memorizing earlier that day:
Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in His steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth.” When they hurled their insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly.
1 Peter 2:21-23 NIV
Blessings from one beggar who knows where to get the Bread ~ Wendy
PS – I could not post this the same day that it happened, as it was still too raw! The next day when I drove my son to guitar lessons (the one who needs runners) , we had to pass by the “scene of the crime”, and there was no one there. I felt relieved. It comforts me that someone had called the police, even before me. We need to help each other, including the homeless, by giving our quality used items to the Salvation Army and by donating to the food banks and to homeless shelters, if we are able. Personally, I don’t think giving money directly to strangers on the street is wise.
We’ve been saving up for a decent guitar for our son, since his is in need… At the last lesson, the teacher kindly did some work on it ( He can build guitars) and now it works great, as he even put on new strings! “Where God guides – He provides!” Not necessarily what we want: But what we need.
“Contentment is not having what you want; but wanting what you have.”
Please pray that my daughter would not have any more nightmares from this incident. And pray that the grumpy beggar would find peace in the generous King.
What an uncomfortable situation. He was probably not right in his mind. Sorry you felt afraid and good you called the police, who knows, you might have helped to prevent a dangerous situation for someone else. Sending you happy thoughts and hope this bad experience doesn’t linger in you long!
Thank you, Calee! I know that good can come from any situation, and I hope to learn from this whatever nuggets of wisdom that are to be revealed. I agree that the man was suffering in his mind. He looked agitated even before his smile left… Our home is filled with music, love, and laughter…we will be fine. I suspect that these were missing in his childhood.
Blessings ~ Wendy
I would’ve felt scared and uncomfortable too. But I also can’t help feeling sorry for this man (and others like him), what happened to him, why did he become like that? No-one’s born that way. It’s a bit sad to think about. We are very fortunate to live good lives with lots of love in them!!
I agree. My first thoughts as I wrote the poem were: “What was his dad like? How did his dad treat the mom?” My dad was very kind and gentle. My sons thank me everyday for things and are protective of my daughter and me. I believe they will be good men, like my husband. There is hope for that fellow – people can change.
I suspect his physical hunger, probable mental instability, and of course his spiritual hunger led him to act in the way that he did–and his entire life up to that point all fed into his words and tone. I’m sorry you and your daughter had to endure his ugly actions, but I am glad you are all right and that God is letting you get glimpses of the man’s greatest needs. My heart breaks for those I see out on the streets…yet I know that my need for a Savior is just as great. I will pray for him, wherever he is, and I will pray for peace to return to your family’s hearts!
Thank you for your caring words. I agree that our need of a Savior is great, too. Your comment reminds me of a poem I wrote a while ago. It’s at http://greenlightlady.wordpress.com/2012/08/13/the-bench-warmer/
Blessings ~ Wendy
PS – I am not sure if I put the link in correct?
Yes, your poem captures these thoughts well…I also just read a verse from Paul calling himself the worst of sinners. I have struggled with this kind of pride in my life, thinking that I am less needy of Jesus’ death and Resurrection…wicked, blind heart of mine! I’m thankful for His grace that reaches out to us in our filthy rags that we try to call righteousness.
Remembering the thief who called out to Jesus, while he hung on the cross next to him, puts it all in perspective… no Bible study; no church attendance; and no baptism! Yet, that very day he would be in Paradise with Jesus for simply admitting that he deserved to die; acknowledging that Jesus was innocent; and trusting that Jesus could save him. He didn’t do one act of service or donate money – just believed in Jesus. No wonder the religious people of that time hated Christ. He wasn’t about fattening up the treasury! He is about building up the Kingdom. Of which he said that the prostitutes and tax collectors would inherit ahead of the others, because they saw their need. Conclusion being – I cannot judge anyone. And when I attend a church that has several generations of got it all together and came from good families type people… I need to remind myself that I am allowed to be there, because the church belongs to Jesus and He ain’t clicky! All are welcome…
Good weekend.
Greeting Wolfgang
Thank you. Good weekend to you, too, Wolfgang! 🙂
Blessings ~ Wendy
You showed wisdom and proper care for yourself and your daughter. You show concern and caring in the poetry and prayer. God Bless and continue to protect you. There is a verse for your daughter that says God will keep him/her in perfect peace whose mind is staid on thee. Move the mind to a Bible verse whenever the fear arises.
Thank you, Gracie! I love that verse. I agree about replacing fear with Scripture. Truth is always the best…
And we know what the enemy’s nickname is! (The father of lies.)
Blessings ~ Wendy
Love and hugs, dear Wendy . . .I’m so sorry that you had this happen to you and to your daughter. Asking Jesus to cover you both! And also the grumpy beggar.
Thanks, Debbie. There was a time I would never have told anyone and just stuffed it down inside, as if I was totally to blame. No one is innocent – but that event was not asked for either. At least now that fellow is getting prayer.
Blessings ~ Wendy
What a strange situation! I admire your clarity and love that you are using your words to process and think through your experience – which is what we are called to do with what happens to us!
Writing is definitely therapeutic… Thanks for your encouragement. I’ve always been drawn to write poems during intense life events, whether happy or sad.
Blessings ~ Wendy
I am now, too – I find it helps me to clarify my thoughts and process what has happened, if I have the chance to express those thoughts somehow….
I still remember a silly poem I wrote, when I was about 12, concerning my impatience over some seeds I had planted. They were taking their time…
🙂 Some things haven’t changed since then? 🙂
Too true! I actually dug up one of the seeds… and sure enough, it was sprouting! Can’t remember if it lived. But I remember that silly poem… and I still dig things up or plant over top – and end up with double plantings… 🙂
A woman after my own heart, indeed… 🙂 (The relief at knowing I’m not the only one who digs up her seeds is tearing me up a bit… sniff!)
Thanks for helping me feel normal… these days even the dog’s antics can tear me up…I am turning into mush!
I know your pain, and respect your strength, insight, and wisdom.
Thank you, Ian, for sharing this life journey. I appreciate your desire to protect the kids and me.xo
Blessings ~ Wendy
Wow, I’m so sorry for what happened, Wendy–how dreadfully distressing. Praying for your daughter, as well. I love your definition of contentment too, as it is my joyful philosophy. God bless you all.
Thanks, Caddo. I think she is back to normal and I will know for sure the next time she is with me on that stretch of road! She had not wanted me to drive there again… No bad dreams last night. We both woke up refreshed. My son who airsofts said he wants to come with us next time and bring his gun; however, he was just kidding. He always gets me laughing! I’ll just keep the doors locked.
Blessings ~ Wendy
How scary is that? Yet at the same time sad that someone has to resort to such a thing!
xx
Sad that some may fall between the cracks…
Blessings ~ Wendy
Well done.Hope you never meet him again.
I’m hoping that he got whatever help he needed and is now helping others get help… it was scary!